This morning I went out for an hour's walk and podcast-listen. My mind would wander a bit and I kept coming back to the question "does she always sound like that?", which is what my teacher told me that this other student asked about me (concerning the recital). I kept turning it over and over, to see how many ways it could hurt. Does she always sound like that? Does she always play like that? Always? How many ways could I put the pebble in my shoe? Believe me, I made sure to let it irritate me every way possible. It's kind of amazing to realize that you can go out of your way to be offended.
The few lame snarky responses I came up with...
- Well, adult student, you hear me play every week in string orchestra so why don't you tell me? Do I always sound like that?
- Well, teacher, why do you so often talk to your students about your other students? What effect did you think it would have to tell me how poorly this student thought I played at the recital? It's not like I can do anything about the performance or her opinion of it.
It went on like this for a little bit and then it occurred to me I should just let it go.
Maybe my anger is justified.
Maybe I'm putting words in peoples' mouths.
Maybe they are in fact having a poke at my expense.
Maybe there's more to the story, or less.
But I can't do anything about it, and it doesn't matter except in that it can make me miserable if I let it.