Thursday, November 7, 2013

impostor syndrome

I don't know what it is, but something about orchestra rehearsal really puts me in the dumps for a day or two. It doesn't matter if I'm singled-out or ignored, make mistakes or play passably well, sit with a section or alone (like last night) - I feel awkward, incompetent, stupid, a fake, out-of-place, have no right to be there, blah blah blah. I go away feeling like crap, vow to stop playing in whatever group until I've had enough lessons to be competent, vow to stop lessons until I'm competent enough to take lessons. And then a day goes by and the ship rights itself. But a waste of a day, nonetheless.

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