Sunday, December 22, 2013

up and down

First, the down:

Running's really taken a dive lately. I finished the 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7... phase last week. Nothing hurts, but I'm really, really slow and really, really bored. No motivation whatsoever. I took Tuesday off, ran 6 miles Wednesday and Thursday mornings, quit at 4 miles Friday. Saturday and today I didn't want to run at all, so I didn't. I am planning to run tomorrow, but damned if I actually want to. I hate being so slow, but I don't want to try to run faster either. I'm not sure how to get over this - I've been running for 12 years, and I've never not wanted to.

Now, some ups:

After messing with the chin rest yesterday, this Stopka viola is my friend. My dear, dear friend. He feels so comfortable that I don't even think about what he feels like anymore, only what he sounds like. And he sounds nice.

For months I've been doing this vibrato exercise (metronome @60, place finger, wobble 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 times per beat, do it with all 4 fingers) that's supposed to help me develop a vibrato and also control it. I have kind-of developed a vibrato, but I don't much like it and I certainly can't control it. Today I did the exercise like always, then for the hell of it played some consecutive notes on one string (like E-F, or E-F-G), trying to keep the vibrato going. Lo and behold, I could start the note vibrating right away! And keep it vibrating right up until I went to the next note (which would start vibrating right away!). And vary the speed of the vibrato just a tiny bit, for emphasis. This sounds like such a tiny thing, but for me it's huge.

And a middle: I decided I really want to go to chamber-music camp next summer. I'm interested in several camps but none of them were accepting applications yet. Until today - Interlochen has opened up their online registration. This is scary. They don't require an audition, but they do ask for a self-assessment (using ACMP's rating system). I am probably a C, on a good day; maybe by next August I'll be a C even on a bad day, who knows? But this is scary because now camp isn't just a wish anymore, but a real thing where I have to present myself and say "hey, look at me! I want to go to your camp!" And what if they tell me I'm not good enough, either beforehand or (worse) once I get there?

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