Tuesday, February 25, 2014

let's not repeat this

I am so glad to see the end of this day.

I have let things get the better of me. I can sit around staring at the internet, and I can run for short periods, but I can't eat, can't think (rather, think too much), can't focus, only perseverate.

Music practice had been so organized - not that it did much good, but it kept me focused. Every night before bed I would write down what I intended to do the next day. The past several days, though, seem devoid of hope. I can't concentrate. Since I am so unmusical lately, I thought I would leave the rigid drills alone and play pieces instead. But the pieces sound so bad. Even the baby recital piece (Weber, "Country Dance" from suzuki book 5, if you must know) sounds like 3 minutes of little baby squeak. Telemann is totally out of the question now. I will be lucky to make it through rehearsal tomorrow night, if I go. I haven't missed a rehearsal in I don't know how long - years, certainly. But the thought of several hours of playing badly in public makes my heart sink.

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