Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I could be shooting myself in the foot

I think this thing is pretty well locked down, and not discoverable if you just know my real name. If I learn otherwise, I will take this down. But maybe, if I let this stay, someone will stumble across it someday and learn what not to do, how not to be.

Work: the organizational shuffle continues, and for me it is bad news. I have been shunted into the most noncreative, dead-end role available. "They" say it is only temporary, but "they" say whatever the hell they want. What this tells me is that my work is inconsequential, I am washed-up as a developer, I am only fit for typing data from spreadsheets into databases, with a smile, of course. I have begun looking for work, but my heart sinks at the prospect. I am too depressed at the moment to sustain a conversation.

Music: well, we've spoken about that. I think my fanatical attitude toward learning and "progress" may have strained the student-teacher relationship. I live for tiny crumbs of praise, do not receive them (or write them off if I do), grow difficult. All smarts aside, I'm not much fun to deal with.

Do not let yourself get to 50 years old if you are going to be like this.

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