I've been at my job almost a year and taken just one vacation day, so I decided to take two days this week.
This morning my cellist friend came over and we had our final rehearsal for the recital Saturday. We're down to picky little things at this point, so we tried to stop before we got too deep. I have almost reached the point where I am stale on this piece, so I'm glad the performance is coming up. I am still not nervous, but rather I am nervous that I will get nervous and not deal with it well.
Otherwise, all I did today was, well, play. I played my recital piece for my husband, with him standing 2 feet away (he was trying to follow the music on the stand). I never play with someone standing 2 feet away but I did not get nervous - well, just a little, maybe. After that I played up to and past the point of diminishing returns. On the Mozart (Saturday's piece), I am now afraid I will mess up the last page or make a lot of extraneous noise and sound bad. Maybe the extraneous noise won't happen Saturday, or maybe it's not really audible except to me, but now I worry. Afterward, I played the 2 slow Telemann movements with my newborn baby vibrato. I fantasized that they were so beautiful and well-played that I would warm up for my lesson with them and my teacher would be amazed at their beauty and well-playedness, and immediately suggest I add one of them to my recital. Fat chance of that, I'm sure. We seem to be on the outs again. I wonder if I said or did something wrong, or whether this depression just cannot help but push people in the opposite direction.