Tonight, again, I pulled out some old pieces I hadn't played in a long time. Specifically, I read through the pieces from a chamber music workshop I attended last year. At the time, I had recently switched teachers and was convinced I had Embarked on my Really Serious Study of Viola As an Adult. I worked really hard on those pieces, and felt horribly wronged when I discovered my workshop group mostly couldn't play their instruments, let alone slog through either piece. Oh, how miserable I was during that workshop! Extreme shyness and an inability to sight-read made the weekend even worse, but oh, the injustice...a few weeks later, my teacher gathered some colleagues from his orchestra and we all met at his house and played the pieces and read through some others. I was incredibly grateful that anyone would do that for me, and still am.
Back to this evening...I read through the pieces, and they seemed so...easy. On a single read-through they were probably 90-110% of what they were when I was sweating bullets over them last year. Which made me wonder how I had the nerve to play them last year with good musicians, with any musicians at all...I was terrible! And I thought I was on the One True Path or something. But I had no vibrato at all and no sense of how to create tone, just volume (and even so, I didn't do that either). Oh god, how tiresome I must have seemed. How tiresome I must seem now, sometimes, hopefully not all the time. I really need to lighten up.
It should be fun.