Sunday, April 13, 2014

this time tomorrow

It's been a really miserable week. I've been unable to maintain equilibrium for any entire day.

Running: I have been running more consistently, if not much faster. But consistency seems to be key. I wondered a few weeks back if I could sustain any interest in non-competitive, non-goal-oriented running. I had my doubts, but strangely enough I've latched back onto it. It's something I do where no one judges me, no one critiques me, no one compares me to others. Additionally, I have no goals, no races to train for, so I am not putting any pressure on myself. I just run.


  • so-so rehearsal, the penultimate before the performance. My stand partner came, so after 3 or 4 weeks solo I got to hear and adjust to another person. Not that I was any kind of virtuoso anyway. I suppose we play well together, to the extent that we are audible anyway.
  • so-so lesson; the scale I'd been blundering through all week actually sounded better but the etude I've sort of abandoned (in favor of the the recital piece) was just crap. Then the recital piece...I think I maybe peaked a week ago. It sounded stale on run-through and there were lots of things my teacher found to pick apart. Unfortunately nothing was going to change by recital time.
  • I asked my teacher (who is also the orchestra conductor) if I could skip next Wednesday's rehearsal to go to the viola-studio recital at USF. I figured (but did not say) that since I've not missed rehearsal in years, and since no one really is listening to me anyway and I am only there to provide alto-clef pitches during tutti run-throughs, it might not matter so much if I missed the dress rehearsal which isn't really a dress rehearsal and isn't onstage anyway. But the answer was No.
  • recital: my husband came, and my cellist friend came (yay). I wasn't nervous at all (yay). And then my bow arm started shaking (boo), and something about the accompaniment caught my attention and threw me a bit, and then I missed some notes (boo). I never stopped and never fumbled too badly, but it was not a good performance compared to any run-through during the past 4 or 5 weeks, oh well. And the other kids' performances were just great, which made me happy - I love watching recitals - but in their performances I could hear all my shortcomings, and I wondered if these were things I could work on and correct, or if it's just hopeless.
Work: I have been pulled from the pasture, at least for now. There's a Medium-Big Project that I am suddenly on. Until I'm not, or until the project falls from favor.

Can things get better? If so, I hope they do.

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