Tonight, at the tail end of practice, I pulled out some music from a med-school/community orchestra I played in nigh on 2 years ago. We played interesting, challenging music that was mostly over my head. This music I pulled out included a beautiful wild thing from St John Passion, and a version of Wachet Auf. Oh, how I struggled with this 2 years ago! The fingerings I'd written in looked bizarre, obviously the fingerings of someone scared to death of shifting, and scared to death of 2nd position. At the time I worked and worked at it, but could not get it to stick in my head or in my hands, and eventually dropped out of that orchestra because I didn't have time to spare, or the patience to deal with not being able to play the pieces correctly.
So tonight I pulled it out because sometimes I like to pull out old music. I read through the pieces and each one sounded better than it ever did when I was banging my head against the wall trying to learn this stuff back in 2012. How on earth did I even think for one moment I could play this stuff back then? I had no business in that orchestra. Why did no one tell me?
I'm glad the music comes easier now, but I wonder what I'm doing now that I have no business doing.