Tuesday, October 21, 2014

may it never be tomorrow

Today at work, I made myself work. I got a lot done, but by the end of the day all the work I'd done seemed pointless, just an attempt to rewrite something someone had written wrong a while back. That someone is now my boss. I guess the way to get ahead in this company is to write stuff wrong. No one spoke to me all day long, not even my "cube" mate (we don't sit in cubes, more like truncated bullpens) who often asks me for help with stuff and always says hi in the morning. Not a peep. My boss told me he's been rather mum with everyone about my health problems (hell, I haven't even told him much of the specifics), so maybe all they see is me not showing up to work, not volunteering to do stuff, etc. I read some stuff online today about people who'd been fired for poor performance during their cancer treatment. Scared me silly. As much as my job bores me, I dread losing it while still on the hook for all these medical bills.

Tomorrow is the first day I can possibly expect to hear anything about yesterday's pictures and poking and prodding. I want to know, and I don't want to know.

Did not play viola well tonight at all, at least not at first. My mind was racing too much. Finally settled down. I hope I can stay focused at rehearsal tomorrow night.

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