Thursday, November 27, 2014

mid week

Running: not fast and no workouts, but I will probably get over 50 miles this week. Next week will be light because of surgery on Friday morning, and after that who knows when I'll be able to run again, maybe a week, maybe two. So I run now. The weather has been weird lately; as cold fronts come through it gets damn cold (for Florida), and then they come back north as warm fronts and it's moist and summery again. Then the next cold front approaches, collides with the warmth and dumps rain by the bucketfull for a day or so. Running in this is interesting, to say the least.

Music: our orchestra's concert was Sunday. It went pretty well, though not as well as the run-through just prior. This was the first time I felt good enough about our sound to invite people to the performance. A few actually came, and I was happy to see them. Later someone played back a video of us on their phone. Granted it was phone-quality and we were listening to it in a crowded noisy restaurant, but I couldn't hear the violas at all, so the improvement I was so proud of turned out to be for my own enjoyment and satisfaction only :-). Later, the director mused about featuring a string quartet next semester (which would include me) or a concerto grosso (which would not). I would dearly love to play in a quartet, but I am not going to get my hopes up.

After the concert I was surprised at the relief I felt. One more thing checked off of a list. I have spent the past few days making lists of things to check off. Practice has been very regimented,and each day I have managed to check off everything on my list though all of it does not sound good. My viola has been freaking out about the weather, but that's only part of it - operator error is surely involved. I can't play the etude I am so sick of; I can't play the Hummel in any recognizable way; I can't play all the scales with all the bowings, and I can't play any of it well. Oh gosh, this next lesson could be the one where I end up in tears. I hope not.

The other day at work, the HR people sent out a company-wide email announcing that our health-insurance premiums would be going up by an average 15% next year. They went on to explain that this was because more people are actually using their insurance to help them get healthcare. The whole thing had the tone of "a few of you are ruining it for everyone," but that could just be my take on it. After the email went out there was quite a lot of discussion among the rank and file about it. A friend of mine (not at my company) told me that insurance companies will definitely raise premiums on group insurance if one of the members is being treated for cancer. Another friend told me about being fired for never-before-mentioned poor performance after his daughter's heart condition ran up a $2M medical bill. I felt like it's all (or mostly all) my fault that people are going to have to pay higher premiums next year. What's more, it seemed like HR is trying to make one person (or a number of persons) the scapegoat. My husband, ever the voice of reason, says "fuck them, your body doesn't care what insurance plan you're on or where you work, it's not your fault." Indeed, had I stayed at the contracting job I had this summer, I would have found myself unemployed by now (contract ended) and paying exorbitant prices for really bad insurance. 

I don't know what this surgery will be like, or the radiation afterward, or the course of tamoxifen after that. Reading about it online I see 9 tales of woe for every case of "it wasn't so bad." I am in good physical shape so maybe I'll be one of the lucky 10%. I have decided to keep working during all of this, and not request time off. If I need to take it easier, I will try to work from home. Even then, if I feel crappy, or keel over from fatigue, they will either deal with it or not. I am not going to let my company be in a position to decide anything for me, though.


So many people have had such bad things happen in their lives. I really have nothing to complain about.

1 comment:

Lee said...

Your husband is right: it isn't your fault. If the only way to keep the rates the same is if nobody makes a claim, well, that's messed up, isn't it? Yes. It's messed up.