Thursday, December 18, 2014

wouldn't it be nice

I started back running today - rather, I covered about three and a quarter miles, walking some/running a little, walking a little less/running a little, etc. The running - all 20s at a time of it - felt fine. It was chilly out. I did not break a sweat. The surgeried breast stings a little now, but no more than it has any other day since surgery. Tomorrow I will do a little less walking and a little more running.

I have become very enamored of the idea of not doing radiation. When there is something I want or something I hope will happen, I usually don't let myself get too anticipatorily happy, but in this case I can't help myself. I don't, I won't help myself. I keep thinking "wouldn't it be just so great if I didn't have to do radiation?" No big time commitment. No worrying about which side effects might hit me, and how hard. No managing anyone's expectations of what I can and can't do. No expense. No paperwork. No doctor's notes, no FMLA forms, no uncomfortable meetings with HR, no worrying about losing my job because of in spite of being ill with an expensive disease. In fact, nothing would tie me to that job any longer at all. I would be free.

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