Saturday, February 21, 2015

decisions

After just 16 days, I have decided to stop taking tamoxifen. My joints - especially fingers/hips/shoulders/wrists, all the important ones - hurt all the time, my stomach is messed up, something is definitely askew in the cognitive department. I asked the doctor about these side effects and she said they would probably go away "in time", and she urged me to try to stay on the medicine at least 3 months. At first I said I would, but I've changed my mind, and I'm going to stop taking it, at least for a little while, to see if these side effects go away. The story I got from the radiation doc was that I had at most a 6% chance of recurrence, and tamoxifen might cut that down to 3%. I will gladly trade that 3% for 5 years of being able to function.

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Speedo's time has come. My husband I and both noticed she's declined even further; she still loves food and treats, but she can barely walk. When we're home we carry her where she wants to go, but we can't be home all the time. We often come home from work to find her stuck on her bad side, unable to get up and lying in a puddle of pee. She is not really happy even when she gets to do what she wants (lie down in the yard all day). She will never get any better, and she seems to know this. My husband wants to be the one to take care of all this; he took next Tuesday off work (a day I cannot), and has made the appointment with the vet. This weekend has been very strange; we treat Speedo as usual, talk to her, give her food and treats, try (unsuccessfully) to get her to play, pretend she is talking to us (this is a running joke in our house), and yet we both know that in 3 days, 2 days, a day, she won't be with us anymore. Sometimes this makes us cry. I will leave for work Tuesday morning and when I get home she won't be there.

My beautiful, sweet girl.

1 comment:

Lee said...

Mother of Speedo, it's good to let her be free of her troubles now. You and your guy are in my thoughts. Big hug.