Saturday, March 7, 2015

don't rush

Someone said to me this week that maybe it's not always best to rush through bad stuff, trying to get to the other side, where it ends. Specifically, she was talking about my dog, and how it might be ok to just feel sad about it for a while. I have spent much of the past week and a half rushing around, staying really busy and really tired, probably to avoid feeling much. But maybe my friend is right.

Anyway, despite my rushing around and staying really busy and really tired, it still hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes. The house feels so empty. There is no one waiting for me when I get home from wherever I've rushed off to. I keep thinking I need to get home to take her out, or feed her, or say hi. Maybe it's one of her good days and she'll be on her feet, waiting at the door. Or maybe she'll be lying on her good side dozing, and not in so much pain, and she'll look my way when I come in the door. But of course that doesn't happen, because she's not here.

I have wasted this whole day doing nothing, or rather failing at most things I tried. I worked a little. I barely practiced because I can't stand the noise I make. Lesson tomorrow, yada yada, not ready, etc, and I have no excuse that I can offer.

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