These are the worst days of the year.
Physically unwell, whether due to age or general unwellness I just don't know. This morning I had heartburn from the start of my run; I made it about 4 miles and then decided fuck it, I'll walk. Could not eat anything at all until after noon. Felt better after that, but skipped the walk this evening. Feet have been cramping all night, not good if I practice viola while standing, which I do. Will I be able to run tomorrow? I don't know.
At work I am busy with something I don't know anything about. I worry that I will break something. Despite this ignorance and sense of incompetence, I am also bored. The technology is nothing new; it will always be nothing new (i.e., TSQL). We are not using this old technology to do anything new or interesting either. This is a dead end, not where I wanted to be at this stage. I am counting the days until retirement.
My lack of motivation has almost extended to music. Almost, but not quite. I am teacherless at the moment, so tonight I put aside the things I had been working on for lessons and camp, and just played...scales. Light fingers, heavy bow scales, accelerations up to 8 notes/bow and even some goofy tries at 12/bow. And some exercises from Sevcik 8 and 9, which I haven't had time for in a long while. I was pleasantly surprised at how much easier these were now that I can read better; knowing what key I was in plus being able to read ahead helped me find the right interval so much more easily.
Something about this kind of woodshedding is very soothing. I don't have to try to be musical, just get these foundation skills more solid.