Sunday, April 30, 2017

hey hey joe positive

One musical thing finished up this week and another will be largely finished this coming week, and I must say I'm looking forward to the break. I think I took on too much, especially with the audition thing (learn 5 pieces and pick 2) taking up a lot of space in my head.

Today there was a local triathlon, which I used to participate in as the runner on a relay team but more importantly, my old running club hosted a water/gatorade station on the run course. And they still host it, and they hosted it today, and thanks to social media there were photos. People I haven't seen in years. They look different, they look the same. For a long time, when I was a serious runner, that club was my entire social life. I am no longer a serious runner, but today the idea of re-upping flickered across my mind. And flickered away, of course - I'm too slow, it's record-breaking heat already (96F in late April), I really really don't want to drive to St Pete to meet up for runs - but it did flicker.

Despite hours of practice every day, things don't stick in my head or my hands the way they ought. I had a(nother) lousy lesson today; the scale and arpeggios were actually good, but the etude and the piece just sucked ass. I knew it and he knew it. The etude was so horrid that the teacher just got up and hugged me afterward, like I'd watched a puppy die or something. He got fairly close to telling me I wasn't ever going to get anywhere with viola, then backed away from that subject, and we went on. I floundered through a bit of the piece and he started packing up while I was playing (this teacher comes to my house).

For some reason, this did not leave me totally demoralized. I know I need to practice better - not more, but better. I also need to trust more in the practice that I do, i.e., don't feel I have to practice everything every day end-to-end in addition to the practice-to-fix-specific-problems. I think I will have more time to do that now.

So, not demoralized today, but there's always tomorrow: the other lesson with the other teacher who doesn't like my playing and doesn't pull any punches telling me. For that lesson, I have a scale, a Sevcik shifting exercise, a child's etude, and a 90-second recital piece. It occurs to me that he keeps lowering the bar and I continue to sink to a level not-quite-good-enough to master any of the concepts. But that's tomorrow....

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