Monday, April 24, 2017

the past week

has been a roller coaster. I keep the phone on me at all times except when running. Every minute could bring a text or a new post in the mass facebook message. Miracles. Nightmares. Disasters. Love+Light and tiny little heart emojis.

I am tired. Running, worrying, constant standing (for practice) have taken a toll.

Late last week I was somewhat happier with my playing, but over the weekend it faded, and today I am not. My blossoming little vibrato faded away. My hand frame relapsed, and I'm back to curling my fingers up. My re-dedication to making-a-beautiful-sound has not yet given me any good habits; I have to think about every last thing I do on the viola, and it's like a chenga game, or a juggling act. 

In lessons I asked to go back to basics and so we did; I am doing scales and long tones and Sevcik, and my etudes are from a childrens' book (as the teacher keeps reminding me). As simple as this is, I still managed to get the first etude completely wrong, and I played it as a march instead of the singing, legato thing he envisioned. For some reason this bothered me more than any mistake would. Even my musical instincts are bad.

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