Sunday, June 18, 2017

special needs.

It's been a long week, capped by a 7-hour stretch at the rockshow last night, and I am tired. Today I was going to let myself be tired: I'd take a day of from running, practice before my viola lesson but maybe not so much afterward, and start hitting it hard again tomorrow. 

The lesson didn't start off well; due to time constraints I've been working on small sections of music, and the teacher seemed to zero in on things I hadn't practiced. I fumbled, got flustered, fumbled more. My tired brain threatened to stop processing written music. Gradually things righted themselves...at the end of the lesson, he remarked that he was glad to have a student like me, especially one with "special needs" due to my age and circumstances. He said it's taught him a lot about teaching. He then added that he hoped that didn't sound demeaning. I know he often doesn't articulate well, so who can really say what he meant, but...sigh. I don't want to have special needs. I want to have the same needs as anyone else. 

I really hope I can let go of this remark, or at least not chew on it very long. It shouldn't change the course of anything. If I suck, I suck; if I can learn, I will learn. But I don't want to waste time feeling miserable about it.

No comments: